I love to hear Molly laugh. It’s a deep guttural roll. I watch her closely. Not wanting to miss a single part of her happiness. Wanting to be a part of it. Rolling in her desperate desire to be a part of this magical thing we call life. Loving every moment of it. I watch her. I soak her into every pore of my being.
I am in love. I like this place. It’s not a place we visit often. But I truly love being here now. I remind myself that this is it. This is all I have. So I treasure this moment. I try like hell to stay here. It’s warm and nice and we are all happy.
I want to stay out of the fear. I know in my intellectual mind that fear is not an emotion. Fear is wanting to control but not being able to do so. Fear is not my friend. I tell myself fear is just faith gone amiss. She is my child but not my child. She is a child of God. That’s how I raised her. But following through on giving her to God- well that’s not so easy. I don’t want God to take her or any child. I want her to stay here. Damnit. But what I choose to do or not today is - my business. Her decision to use or not use is - her business. What happens tomorrow is - God’s business.
When we stay in our own business - things begin to open up. I am and we are a work in progress.
Just for today - I am happy. I am content. I’m going to do my best to take care of myself. I am a role model. Her best chance of recovery comes from this/ her family modeling life. We will surround her with love. We will love her beneath her addiction. We will continue to have hope.
This is where true love is ❤️